Understanding Teens and Their Shame

MJ’s Words: There are many parents losing touch with their teenagers. What a lot of parents may not know or understand is that high expectations and peer pressure puts doubts inside their teens about who they are, especially if they are not willing to follow the crowd. They begin questioning their worth. More and more are starting to give in to the crowd to avoid being bullied or picked on, singled-out or friendless. A lot of teens make decisions unaware of what they are getting themselves into, which later forms guilt, but that is not where the shame comes from. Shame comes from the circumstance. They may not fill they can keep up economically (i.e., money, materialistic things. etc.), but not necessarily because they lack the income. Poverty or other poor conditions causes people to doubt many things about themselves, such as how smart they are, where they fit in, what they will become (judging this by those around them) , can they become independent, will they ever get out of their circumstance? Lack of love and support causes a lot of young people and teens to feel that they are not good enough. That is why support should start at home because sooner or later they will go out in the world to seek support, which could end up being unhealthy support. Feeling isolated or different can scar a person for life if they are not taught that where they are now is not the end result. As a child, if someone is not taught about other things besides their surroundings, they begin to believe that is all they have to look forward to. When a person begins to doubt themselves, this can cause mood changes and out of control behavior because of fear or lack of knowledge to persevere.

Word of advice: Support begins at home. If the environment around your children or teenagers is not healthy, work on changing it. This begins with changing who you are. Take some time and think about what type of life you want for yourself and your children. Don’t worry about how old you are or if it is too late. It is never too late to begin again. Never get down on yourself for what may seem different or odd to others because as a society we are always expecting the usual, when the usual doesn’t always exist.

God Uses…

MJ’s Words: Shame is about WHO WE ARE. There are so many people who feel ashamed of who they are because of what others think, say, or believe, but God loves us no matter who or what we choose to be. Some people are tall or short, black or white, and young or old, but no matter who it is, God will use them to help those who need to be helped or blessed in a particular area in their lives. Many people are homosexuals, atheists, smokers, drinkers, or clubbers. There are people who love getting tattoos and piercings. That does not take away the opportunity for you to have a relationship with God. God will listen and help you change and do better. The problem is that we allow people who do not believe or accept us for who we are or choose to be, make us feel discouraged and feel ashamed. All you need to know is that when God is ready to change you, He will. God’s timing is perfect. Other people judging you is not going to change who you are. Your friends walking away is not going to change who you are. People causing you to suffer in some way or form is not going to change you. There are plenty of people who stay the same for many years just because they are meant to be there to teach and bless those who are coming up in the next generation. You never know, someone else’s struggle could be your strength. God may need you to be exactly where you are at the moment because He is using you to help or save someone else. Don’t allow other people to make you feel discouraged on what God had already planned for your life. You may not understand why you are still struggling or going through hard times, but remember that all things happen for a reason.

Word of advice: No one can ever take God away from you. Don’t get discouraged because of what others think or say about you, but believe that when you are ready to change, God will be there with open arms. Love who you are.

Guilt

Guilt deals with your conscience. Often, guilt is formed from a reaction. Guilt is the same thing as feeling remorse.

Conscience: An aptitude, faculty, intuition or judgment that assists in distinguishing right from wrong. Moral judgment may derive from values or norms (principles and rules). In psychological terms, conscience is often described as leading to feelings of remorse when a human commits actions that go against his/her moral values and to feelings of rectitude or integrity when actions conform to such norms.

[Wikipedia]

MJ’s Words:  We all have a conscience and we deal with that conscience every time we feel we did something wrong or out of character, but you can believe that everything that you do outside of the norm is not wrong. It is called being different. Positively, we can do things that are new to us and other people and after doing them, you may feel different. Just because something is different doesn’t make it wrong and it doesn’t make you abnormal. My point is that quilt can also develop by intentional ways of other people. When people speak their opinions or give their judgment on what you are doing or about anything in your life, that will make you feel guilty or ashamed of what you decided to do or how you decided to do it. Most of the time, people do this without knowing the situation or knowing your heart. People are always going to judge you when they are unaware of what is going on or unaware of how to do it.

Word of advice: Don’t allow judgment from others lead you to feeling guilty for who you are and what you do. Be who you choose to be and live how you choose to live. When it is time for you to change, God will change you. Understand you, not what goes against.